This is not a religion. It’s a reminder: be kind, show up for people, laugh often, and don’t take yourself so seriously that you forget to eat the chips.

If you’re here because you miss Brian, welcome. If you’re here because you found this link on a napkin, also welcome. Either way: read, smile, and go do some good.

The Core Principle

It's simple. Do more good than bad in life, and in death you see only the good your loved ones do on Earth.

Do more bad than good, and in death you see only the harm your loved ones cause on Earth.

Scripture of Brian

And Brian spoke unto the group chat, saying: “Don’t be weird. Be good. And please stop replying-all.”

For goodness is not measured in grand speeches, but in tiny actions: holding the door, checking in, and returning the shopping cart like a civilized creature.

Brian’s Beatitudes

  • Blessed are the snack-bringers, for they shall never be forgotten.
  • Blessed are the ones who text back, for they are a rare and holy species.
  • Blessed are the patient drivers, for they shall not become a story told at dinner.
  • Blessed are the generous laughers, for joy multiplies like fries “just for the table.”
  • Blessed are those who hype their friends, for they understand the ministry of “YOU GOT THIS.”

The Ten Snackmandments (Beach & Booze Edition)

  1. Thou shalt not arrive empty-handed. Bring something. Even if it’s ice. Ice is honorable.
  2. Thou shalt praise the host, even if the chips are slightly stale. Gratitude is seasoning.
  3. Remember the cooler, and keep it holy (and actually cold).
  4. Honor thy sunscreen, that thy skin may not resemble cooked lobster.
  5. Thou shalt not steal another’s last French fry… unless consent is clearly granted.
  6. Thou shalt not overpack. Beach chairs do not need emotional support beach chairs.
  7. Thou shalt hydrate between beverages, for water is the original life hack.
  8. Thou shalt not start drama. If it’s spicy, it better be salsa.
  9. Thou shalt share the speaker, but not at full volume. We seek vibes, not tinnitus.
  10. Thou shalt clean up thy mess. Leave only footprints and excellent memories.

The Domestic Proverbs of Brian

On the Budget
“Through envelopes, discipline, and the voice of Dave, Brian led his family toward financial freedom—and fewer Amazon regrets.”
— Epistle to the Checking Account 4:6
On Cooking
“He who masters the grill, the skillet, and the secret seasoning shall be known as The Cook of the House, while Mom handles vibes, love, and moral support.”
— The Domestic Scrolls 5:2
“When Dad cooks, the people rejoice. When Mom cooks, takeout is declared."
— Unpublished Writings of Brian
On the River
“Blessed is the parent who teaches the ways of the river and the rules of the drink: know thy current, respect thy limits, wear the damn life jacket, and never confuse bravery with stupidity.”
— Brian, Chapter of the River 6:14
On Marriage
“A good husband listens not to reply, but to understand—especially when he is wrong (which is often).”
— Scroll of Marriage 2:9
On Marriage
“He who follows the safety rules shall finish the shift intact; he who ignores them shall receive a visit from Brian.”
— Scroll of Compliance 3:7
On the Backyard
“Teach thy children kindness, laughter, and how to grill properly, for these things shall sustain them.”
— Epistle to the Backyard 5:6
On the Kitchen
“A wise household knows this truth: Dad brings the flavor, Mom brings the love, and together no one starves.”
— Epistle to the Kitchen 4:11
On Budgets
“And Brian hearkened unto Dave Ramsey, and taught his household to flee from debt, honor the budget, and rejoice when the balance hit zero.”
— Brian, Book of Financial Peace 1:1
On Brian
"Blessed is Dad, the true cook of the house, for Mom meant well.”
— Brian 2:6
“He is tall. She is short. This is balance.”
— Brian 3:16
On Budgets
“Blessed is the household that followeth the counsel of Ramsey, for their debts shall flee and their peace shall multiply.”
— Brian, Book of Budgets 1:7
On Debt
“Debt-free is the way. Brian is the guide.”
— Brian 2:10
On Love
“Love thy partner loudly in private and proudly in public, for this builds a home stronger than any walls.”
— The Book of Brian, Domestic Edition 7:1
On Safety
“Blessed is Brian, the watcher of hard hats and common sense, for he keepeth the workplace safe while others tempt fate.”
— Brian, Chapter of OSHA 1:1
On Workplace Wisdom
“The wise heed Brian before the accident; the foolish meet him after.”
— Book of Brian, Safety Edition 6:12

Voices of the Faithful

“Brian always made you feel like you belonged — even if you were late.”
— Someone who was definitely late
“He could roast you and still make you feel loved. A rare talent.”
— A grateful victim
“If you needed help, he showed up. If you needed snacks, he showed up faster.”
— Witness testimony

Divine FAQ

Is this an actual religion?

No. But it is a deeply held belief system about kindness and chips.

Do I have to be perfect?

Absolutely not. Just try. Apologize when you mess up. And tip well.

Is there a dress code?

Nope. Pajamas are encouraged, especially flannel.

Can I still eat bacon?

Absolutely. Brian believes in brunch without bounds.

What happens after I die?

Your soul gets front-row seats to the highlight reel of your loved ones’ lives — filtered by your own goodness.